Everybody Needs a Safe Zone

Have you ever seen this symbol?

I had one of these on my dorm room door in college, as well as hanging up in each of my cubicles at work. It is a symbol to let people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender know that you are an ally. By displaying this, you are taking the first step in letting others know that you are understanding and supportive of everybody regardless of a person's sexual orientation.

I think it is important for our society to have symbols like this to show support to anyone who may be discriminated against. I also believe that we have all been judged at some point in our lives and it doesn't feel good. Whoever coined the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt," came up with a pretty good defense mechanism. But are phrases like this enough? 

So how does this relate to decision making? Many of us consult others when we are faced with a decision to make. How do we know who to go to for help? Generally,we go to mentors and friends who have showed us their safe zone symbol. Usually, you talk to someone you have built a trusting relationship with. But there are some cases in which you may need some advice from someone you don't know. So what do you do? You either seek out help from someone you're unfamiliar with or you avoid the situation.

In my opinion, setting ground rules and showing your safe zone symbol to young people is key to helping them work through a challenge, whether you already know them or not. While I was trying to decide the topic I would post about today, I was looking through some of my resources and found a copy of "Principles for Sexuality Education" from a curriculum called All Together Now: Teaching about Contraception and Safer Sex. After reading over it, I realized that these principles, when reworded, could also be applied to designing a safe zone for young people who are facing difficult decisions. So here is my revised version:

Safe Zone Principles

1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. As Aretha says, "Find out what it means to me (them)." Just like adults, it means a lot to young people to be respected. Although being a teenager can be difficult and confusing, they are certainly able to make changes in their lives.  
2. MEET YOUNG PEOPLE WHERE THERE AT. Brush up on your communication skills by really listening and processing what teens are saying. Provide them with relevant feedback and brainstorm possible solutions together. Discuss the "what ifs" of each option and simply be there to guide them.
3. TEENS LEARN A LOT FROM THEIR FRIENDS. Recognize that it is empowering for youth to communicate with each other and brainstorm some of their own teen friendly solutions. Adults, take a step back and remember that teens are pretty resourceful. 
4. BE OPEN AND PROVIDE THEM WITH ACCURATE INFORMATION. Plain and simple. Don't you think this would help them make better choices? 
5. TAKE A POSITIVE APPROACH. Being negative will only make matters worse. Be a model for how to handle difficult situations and help teens look on the bright side. Being faced with challenge is a learning experience isn't it? 

Can you think of any other Safe Zone principles? I'd love to hear some and add more to my list!

Welcome

Today is my first day blogging about choices. No matter how young or old you are, everybody has decisions that they make. There are all different types of choices to make and they can be big or small. You can make them on your own or you have the decision to consult friends, family members, or other important people in your life. What do you do when there is a fork in the road?

I decided to write this blog because I've had a lot of experience working with young people and being young-ish myself, I can appreciate the mixed emotions that are involved in working through a challenge and coming up with solutions. My expertise is in sexuality health education, options counseling, child development, and working with young mothers.

I also made the choice to start this blog because my husband and I recently moved to the DC Metro area from South Jersey and since I have some spare time as I continue my job search, I thought this would be a nice way to share my knowledge, thoughts, and opinions on decisions that teens and young adults make regarding sexuality and parenthood.

As I was browsing through my facebook news feed last night, I saw that Planned Parenthood Association of the Mercer Area posted about a show on MTV called No Easy Decision. In the show, it features a young mom, Markai, who was also on 16 & Pregnant. It is not uncommon for young moms to have a repeat pregnancy within two years of having a baby. Markai explains in the show that she did not completely understand how her birth control method worked and a few weeks later she found out she was pregnant. Her and her partner, James, were faced with a decision to make: continue the pregnancy and parent, make an adoption plan, or choose to terminate the pregnancy. In my opinion, the show did an excellent job depicting the difficulty of this choice. The discussions that Markai had with the important people in her life are very real. For many women, decisions involving an unplanned pregnancy are complex and there can be mixed emotions. Markai talks to her partner about the "what if's" of each decision and knows that she will face some consequences no matter what she chooses. I won't spoil the show if you haven't watched it yet, but I think it's interesting how language about what to call it (a thing, baby, or my favorite "the pregnancy") is discussed and the fact that God is mentioned (yes, you can be religious and consider abortion as an option). It was also nice to learn how Markai felt after she made her decision and to hear what other women who faced unplanned pregnancies had to say about their experiences.

What were your thoughts about the show? Do you think Markai made the right decision for herself and her family?